Showing posts from June, 2017

The Definitive (Not Definitive Because, Opinions) Star Trek Movie Rankings

13- Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

Want to know the sad part about Star Trek V? It is that it starts out giving you hope that this will be a good Trek movie. The opening themes is one of the best pieces of Star Trek music Jerry Goldsmith has done and that is saying something. We have the pleasant and refreshing Kirk, Spock and Bones camping trip and all goes off the rails. Spock’s half-brother (plot device) is now a religious zealot searching for Sha Ka Ree, the Vulcan equivalent of Heaven where God is telling him to come pick him up in a pimp starship to take him on a trip to space White Castle or some shit. Really by the time we get to the finish it is a marathon of Kirk and Spock bitching at each other, Uhura dancing naked in the desert with big ass feathers, and Kirk asking the question we all asked ourselves in a moment of fourth wall breaking--”what does God need with a starship?”.
12- Star Trek: Insurrection

Otherwise known as How Picard Got His Groove Back. Basically w…

The Mummy Review (From Someone That Didn't See The Mummy)

Universal is taking a page out of Marvel's book and starting a cinematic universe with all of their classic monsters. The Mummy is the first in the new series of flicks. Here we go.

The Mummy stars Tom Cruise as Ethan Hunt, an ex-fighter pilot who lost his best friend Goose and decided to retire and become an archaeologist and follow in his family's footsteps of hunting for mummies. His great grandfather found a mummy in Egypt in the 1920's and met his wife there too. She was hot and dark haired and he once kept a caveman in his house with his idiot friend.

He dies in a plane crash, which we all know because every movie gives away big plot points in the goddamn previews and comes back to life to fight the mummy, who is a woman now, mostly to piss off people who think men are being overlooked for everything. This pleases me. A bunch of scary shit happens and things explode while the mummy chases Ethan across the globe trying to do some kind of Egyptian mind meld ritual bec…

Wonder Woman Short Review

Wonder Woman is a movie about a woman who is wonderful. No really. She is. Gal Gadot is wonderful. The character in the movie is wonderful. Chris Pine is wonderful. Lets see how many times I can say wonder and wonderful in this. I am not getting paid by using that word, but if anyone wants to make an offer, now is the time.

Wonder Woman is fun, genuine and hopeful.  Gal Gadot lets the character show her naivety without her seeming dumb. She eats ice cream and tells the vendor he should be proud. She bucks society when deciding what to wear after leaving Themyscira by not wearing a fluffy dress and going for a pantsuit, then walks out of the store with her sword and shield in hand. There is a yin and yang. Diana is strong and willful, yet clueless with wide-eyed childlike wonder (pun intended). It is a balancing act that Gadot masters. I hope people will watch the movie and catch this because it adds so much weight to the character, especially against the hellish, dark backdrop of Wor…

Did Microsoft Sell Me On The Xbox One X?

Sony's own reveal of the PS4 Pro did them no favors. It was clunky and a load of mush-mouth talk that didn't offer us any reasons to spend 400 dollars on a new console when most have only had their existing PS4's for 3 years. Especially if you did not have a 4K TV, it was doubly useless.

I bought one anyway.

Why? Well, I have a 4K TV, love video games, love being in debt and have the mentality (as do a lot of tech people) that I want the new stuff. Because it's...well, new. And I have enjoyed my PS4 Pro. It looks beautiful, especially with games like Uncharted 4 and Horizon: Zero Dawn.

Seriously, Horizon will melt your eyes in 4K.

So why was I not convinced by Microsoft to buy and Xbox One X during their conference at E3 this year? You would think I would since I am the target audience. A fat guy who plays a lot of games, wants the newest stuff and is willing to throw money into a giant industry that regularly treats its fans like cattle and makes them feel underappreci…