Cheeseburger in Paradise: Far Cry 5 Review

Fun fact before the review: My uncle and aunt lived in Waco, Texas in the early 90's and my uncle knew and talked to David Koresh on many occasions. I have always had a fascination with cults and maybe this is where it spawned from. Far Cry 5 is not as political as some would want it to be. It has plenty of politics in it, don't get me wrong, but it is also not the Trump-bashing, anti-MAGA game some were expecting. This is fine. It actually has some funny things to say about both sides including one mission called "Make Hope Great Again" where you help a red state gun toter thin out the herd of cultists because he doesn't have time to redraw district lines through gerrymandering. It really is way deeper than you ever could want. (Side note: if you do not know what gerrymandering is, please look it up. It is fucking infuriating.) The reason completely bucknuts missions like that work is because it is Far Cry. We have come to expect the outlandish and even completely ridiculous from the series. And Far Cry 5 puts that in your eyeholes for the entire ride. Here are some quick things I remember of what I did in Far Cry 5: -Helped the government track down the president's pee tape. -Got bit by a skunk -Had to shoot a charging turkey 3 times before it died. That disturbed me more than a charging bear. -You may have never known you wanted to watch a bull fuck while listening to Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye, but you do. -If you fall from a satellite tower and somehow land on an enemy you will perform the world's greatest takedown. Damn, I wish I had that recorded. -You help someone kill bulls in different ways to get their balls for a Testicle Festival. I shit you not. You then proceed to get drunk at said festival and wake up on a baseball field with a pig in a party hat. This is the most American game ever. -Whenever someone calls a cultist a "peggie" I think that they are just misunderstood rednecks that like getting dildos in their ass. -Are there aliens? Cause I just got an alien orb that a dead cow shit out. -Yep, there are aliens. I now have an alien gun that explodes everyone into bloody nothingness. -The award for favorite melee animation is the running melee where you throat punch a mother fucker and here him choke as you hit him with a haymaker. The reason why some people are pissed at Far Cry 5 is that the story was not Trump-bashing. It was never supposed to be. The skewering of American politics is the background noise. Eden's Gate and its leader, Joseph Seed, are the main course. He and his family have Hope County, Montana running scared and it is up to you to save the day (as a male or female this go round). Each Seed sibling controls a different county and you will help citizens with fetch quests, blowing shit up and other random map-filling occurrences. You know...Far Cry. The Guns for Hire mechanic work mostly well especially when you get all of the animals unlocked. Really, once I had the team of Cheeseburger the Bear and Peaches the Mountain Lion, I hardly used human teammates unless I really needed them. Sometimes your human sidekicks will say something like "I'm going in quiet" then proceed to use the .50 caliber gun on the back of your truck completely ruining a stealth run of a outpost. The ending of Far Cry 5 may be dividing to some fans. I know...I know gamers bitching about something? I never would have thought. I actually had an ending in my mind while I was playing the game and selfishly would have preferred it to what happened, but I did like the way it ended, especially if you think about where the series next installment could go from there. Compared to Far Cry 4, Far Cry 5 is Far Cry 3. It makes up for the Himalayan snooze fest that was Far Cry 4. Really, that is all I wanted. Nothing will really surpass Far Cry 3. I just wanted a fun time in Montana shooting cultists and running around with my bear friend and pretending my name was BJ. If you get that...we can be friends.

8 Covfefe's out of 10


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